really didn't see this coming...

let me start by saying i'm a lousy blogger.  i have all sorts of ideas for posts, and photos ready to go, but i just don't get around to posting.  i vow to do better, and to fill this blog with with endless pics and tales of our life in thailand.  but this post is different; i have share some crappy news.  


2 weeks ago, at exactly 8 months pregnant, i was diagnosed with breast cancer.  by chance, i'd noticed a little lump in my left breast, so i mentioned it to my OB.  she sent me for an ultrasound and an appointment with a breast surgeon, and he did a needle biopsy.  confirmed: invasive ductal carcinoma.  ian and i were completely stunned.  we figured it would be nothing - maybe a clogged milk duct - but breast cancer??  especially since, as many of you know, i had thyroid cancer about 15 years ago.  i figured i'd done my time - lightning couldn't possibly strike me twice.  but here we are.


last week was packed with visits to various bangkok doctors and meetings at the embassy med office.  every evening and morning, we were on the phone and emailing with specialists back in the states.  it's amazing how many of our friends and family have connections to top breast surgeons, oncologists, obgyns, etc.  a HUGE thank you to everyone who hooked us up with resources.  by the end of the week, we had a plan: surgery, then baby, then radiation and/or chemo.


surgery is tomorrow.  we are blessed to be working with the top breast surgeon in thailand - the surgeon to the royal family :)  and he's the founder and director of the highly-respected breast cancer center here in bangkok.  he'll be removing the tumor and several nearby lymph nodes.  of course, we were extremely freaked out by the idea of surgery/general anesthesia while i'm still pregnant, but we've been assured by everyone we've talked to that it's safe for the baby.  and we just can't wait - pregnancy hormones can be very dangerous for cancer growth.  there's a tiny chance of preterm labor, but i'm 34 weeks now, and the baby would almost surely do very well if he came now.  plus, i've been getting steroid injections to help with his lung development.  but he'll most likely stay put.


we'll have to wait a few days to learn the results of the tumor/lymph node analysis.  if it's good news, we may be able to wait for the baby to come on his own (in about 6 weeks) and start treatment after.  if it's bad news, we may have to bring the baby early to start treatment sooner.  looks like worse case scenario would be delivering him at 37 weeks, which isn't bad at all.  he'd be full-term - not considered a preemie.


we vacillate between being focused, task-oriented, determined and terrified, panicked, angry, sad.  ian has been amazing - i know he's going through his own fear and grief right now, but somehow he manages to take excellent care of me.  i hope i do the same for him.  and, while we've been in bangkok less than 2 months, we already have an incredible group of friends who have been unbelievably supportive.  it's definitely difficult to be so far from family and our other friends, and we've questioned whether staying in bangkok for treatment is the right decision - but medical care is so good here, and we don't have to be separated.  if i came home, ian could come for a brief time, but not for long.  so for now, we're choosing to stay here, leaning on our new community of friends and the wonderful medical experts we've met.


we decided to share this with everyone, because it looks likely that this could be a lengthy process, and it just doesn't work to try to keep it quiet.  plus, the outpouring of love and support we've already received from people who know has been a huge source of strength for us - there's no logic in trying to go through this alone.


we'll keep you in the loop.  thanks for reading :)