There are a couple of reasons I haven’t
posted in a long time. The first
is that during the final chemo treatments, when I thought about posting, a
little voice in my head always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say…” And I didn’t. Those last few chemo treatments were brutal. I felt awful, and I was
discouraged. I really didn’t want to use the
blog to whine. That’s no fun for
anyone. I figured that everyone
assumed things sucked – and they were right – so there was no point describing
exactly how it sucked. There were,
of course, many bright moments with Sam, Ian, friends, etc. and I actually
started a blog post about all the fun I was having between treatments, but then
I got sick again and was too bummed out to finish it. Anyway, you get the idea.
The second reason is that after chemo was
done, I was so ecstatic to put it behind me that I couldn't make myself focus on
anything cancer-y. And the blog
had gotten pretty cancer-y. I just
didn’t want to think about it, revisit it, even write about how glad I was that
it was over because then I’d have to think about how crappy it had been.
I have enough distance – and enough new hair
– to write about it now. It was
the strangest experience of my life.
Being really sick, then feeling better, then getting sick again, over
and over for 4 months – it was bizarre.
After the final chemo treatment, I was so giddy I think Ian actually
started to get annoyed :) Knowing I could get
better and stay better was absolutely exhilarating. When each symptom faded away, I knew it wouldn’t come back,
and I celebrated every single time.
I had extra reason to celebrate: a good
result on a blood test. My doctor-of-few-words said, “So, the chemo
worked.” I don’t understand it too
well, but cancer “markers” in blood are correlated somehow to the presence of
breast cancer. The marker that had
been of concern was at 54 in December, when I started chemo (normal is
0-30). In April, it was at
11. I wish I understood it better,
but evidently it’s good news! What
it really meant for me was that I could end chemo knowing that I was really
ending it. Unless my cancer
recurs, I don’t ever have to do it again.
This episode of cancer has been duly chemo-ed.
I am still undergoing treatment – a year of a
medication called Herceptin. It’s
the same routine as chemo: every 3 weeks, I go to the chemo room, get an IV,
and sit for a few hours as the medicine goes into my bloodstream. But there’s a HUGE difference – no side
effects. At all. I feel totally normal. It’s pretty great. Some of my friends have commented that
it must annoying to still have to go in every 3 weeks, and on a Sunday, but I
don’t mind (at least not yet). I’m
just so happy that between those treatments, I feel fine the whole time – I’ll
take it.
After the last chemo treatment, I had a few
weeks to recover before Sam and I traveled back to the States for my sister
Abby’s wedding. I’d been so
afraid that I wouldn’t finish chemo in time to make it to the wedding, but only
one treatment was delayed a week, so I finished with a few weeks to spare. The trip was fantastic, and the wedding
was wonderful. My whole family got
to meet Sam, and even Ian’s mom was able to visit for a few days to see her
grandson. Here are a few pics from
the trip (sorry if you’ve already seen them on Facebook!).
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| I was there!! Congrats to my dear sister and her sweet husband! |
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| Sam with 8 of his cousins |
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| Sam and Mateo - born just 3 weeks apart! |
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| My sister Susanna is a great photographer - had to include this gorgeous photo. |
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| 2 of my incredible sisters. |
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| Sam with his mama, grandmama, and great-grandmama |
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| Sam with his other grandmama. |
After we got back to Bangkok, we had just a couple of weeks before we left again for a long-awaited family vacation to Malaysia. The three of us had so much fun. We went to Kuala Lumpur, then to the Cameron Highlands to hike in the gorgeous tea plantations, then to the beach in the Perhentian Islands, and finally to the very cool island of Penang. Again, sorry if you’ve seen the pics on Facebook, but here are some highlights:
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| Kuala Lumpur |
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| Cameron Highlands |
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| Boh Tea Plantation, Cameron Highlands |
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| Perhentian Islands |
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| Sam and Dad |
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| Our little fam |
I had enough peach fuzz on my head by the Malaysia trip to ditch the scarves. It was a welcome change – they really make me hot, and Malaysia is just as steamy as Thailand. It's still super short, but it's presentable. I actually have my first haircut scheduled for later this week. I have enough hair that it needs a cut!
So, chemo is over and both trips are behind me, and it should be time for life to return to normal, right? But I don’t even know what normal life is anymore. Nearly everything about my life has changed in the past year. I now have a child, I live in Thailand, I don’t have a job anymore… Ian's still around, so that's good :) But otherwise, I’m starting from scratch. I’m figuring out how I want to structure my days/weeks as a stay-at-home mom. It’s exciting, but a bit daunting. Hoping I come up with a routine that works for Sam but is also fulfilling for me. I'll come up with something - a new normal. I’m just so ready to have a regular life as a regular mom – I’m very thankful I can finally do that.
